Comments - Latest Popular Stories, Instablogs Community by Anuchanchal

Kumar

Kumar — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 00:00:00 +0000

LOL, you didn’t leave any room for people to argue. I believe flirting is not cheating. I would never decide going for a movie on a chat. I would never cheat, if I had a girlfriend. I can chat with other girls, but I perhaps know my limits too well to cross them.

If all these sounds like crap, so be it. But this is me.

Taylor Flatt

Taylor Flatt — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 00:00:00 +0000

Well I agree with what you said. You should be able to chat with other girls without going over the line.

Deepa

Deepa — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 00:00:00 +0000

Flirting on the internet via chatting, mails can be called cheating only if the person doing it is already in a committed relationship and the other half isn’t aware of it. Akin a a situation offline. Irrespective of flirting on net or in real life, i think ppl do it to boost their ego or as a result of complexity. However for singles its gala time especially while chatting cause ppl open up faster then in real life.

Neha Bhatia

Neha Bhatia — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 00:00:00 +0000

online talks are endless,people surely shift from one to the other, juz to have fun in life.if you are committed to one and still flirting over net and meeting dat person. then it is crime,but if u r juz chatting or flirting with the unknown person who lives far from ur destination to entertain urself, then its somewhat agreeable and acceptable.

Aneez

Aneez — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 00:00:00 +0000

I don’t understand why people draw a line between real-life relationships and online ones. If we scrutinize the whole issue, there seems to be practically no difference between the two modes.

-People lie on the net and they lie in real life too.

-They deceive real life friends with the same dedication that they show on the net.

-They come up with novel ideas to woo their charms and keep the relationship scale tilted to their favour... in both kind of relationship.

Yeah, the only thing which really makes a difference is that sometimes the flirt ends up flirting with the same sex (if the person on the other side of the wall is not known in real life)... that stings, but then again, its a pretty entertaining situation for both.

Coming to your question.. should flirting on the internet via chatting, mails be called cheating?

Flirting on the internet is definitely not cheating because both the partners share the same stats..

..both are there to get some zing

..both are unaware of each other

..both have the same advantages and disadvantages

..both ARE PREPARED for such situations!

So, flirting on the internet falls in the category of ’Gaming’ and not ’cheating’. Those who are comfortable, participate in the game; those with more brains emerge victorious and the dumbheads end up losing the game.

Deepa

Deepa — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 00:00:00 +0000

Aneez, you can label it as gaming only if you are not hurting anybody else involved with you (in real life). But its definitely cheating if a guy or a gal is having an affair outside a committed relationship. And obviously this applies to any situation.....online or real-life. It cannot labeled cheating with respect to both the people involved in this affair. Cause as you said everybody out there is intentionally doing it for fun...out of own choice.

Deepa

Deepa — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 00:00:00 +0000

Also you rightly pointed out that there seems to be practically no difference between real-life flirting relationships and online ones.

Taylor Flatt

Taylor Flatt — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 00:00:00 +0000

Well yeah, you’re right in some regard’s Aneez. Although a lot of that is true, some of it is genuine. Some people have girlfriends or boyfriends and find someone else on the net they like better but sometimes are too ashamed or afraid to tell their current girlfriend or boyfriend. This happens a lot but not all is considered cheating. A lot of it is just fun and ’Gaming’.

Kumar

Kumar — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 00:00:00 +0000

Thanks Aneez,

I feel exactly the same. It’s just that I couldn’t find words to express them. Your reply is just so appropriate and fitting.

Aneez

Aneez — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 00:00:00 +0000

Thanks for the appreciation Kumar. It was really hard for me to let this topic pass away without a comment from my side. I hope Annu makes an update to her article and labes the protagonist of his story as ’Gamer’ and not ’cheater’.

:) :)

Annu

Annu — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 00:00:00 +0000

hey aneez,

thanks for your comments. but i would like to remind you of one thing here - the two people chatting in my story are not new to each other...it is very clear that they know are friends already, they have chatted before and they have met in person as well. the girl (priya) even knows about rahul’s girlfriend.

keeping in mind such aspects, it IS flirting...i am not talking about two strangers chatting but those who know each other to some relevant extent and then indulge into such acts despite being into a relationship already.

Aneez

Aneez — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 00:00:00 +0000

Hi Annu,

In this context I have the same statement what I’ve given in my first comment.

If we scrutinize the whole issue, there seems to be practically no difference between the two modes.

-People lie on the net and they lie in real life too.

-They deceive real life friends with the same dedication that they show on the net.

-They come up with novel ideas to woo their charms and keep the relationship scale tilted to their favour... in both kind of relationship.

So, why single out chatting?

I agree that your article deals exclusively with the chatting scenario, but then too, I don’t think it would be wise enough to tag the whole chatting system as a playground for cheaters..just because of a couple of instances. After all, don’t we still value our real life relationships despite witnessing various cases of flirting and two-timing among people in real life?

As per your hypothesis, if the whole chatting system has gone down the drain, then the same is applicable to real life relationships and liaisons too...because we witness instances of cheating (like the one highlighted in your article) in both kind of relationships.

If I’m wrong, please enlighten me.

Leena

Leena — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 00:00:00 +0000

I don’t know the funda of gaming , stats or a hundred such terminology… in online conversations the wording used does have an impact on the recipient and people should be responsible for what they utter , whether online or in reality. How can you be so sure of the stats of the person on the other side? I think first it is necessary to assess the stats of the other person before engaging in such a conversation.

And going by the same logic “ there seems to be practically no difference between the two modes” why should online deception be passed as ‘gaming’ while you consider the other as deception?

Aneez

Aneez — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 00:00:00 +0000

why should online deception be passed as ‘gaming’ while you consider the other as deception?

The answer to this question is given by YOU yourself in the last sentence of your first para. Let me put it for you,

I think first it is necessary to assess the stats of the other person before engaging in such a conversation.

Got it? If someone is intelligent enough (or foolish enough) to go ahead with their online conversation and relationship without assessing the stats of the person on the other side, then I don’t think they deserve any emotional bandage on their wounds and hence, ’gaming’ suits better than ’deception’.

However, you are not compelled to use my terminology. You are free to feel ’decieved’ if at all you fall in one such situations.

Leena

Leena — Sun, 22 Jun 2008 00:00:00 +0000

Well thanks for the explanation, but I was actually viewing it the other way round.

I mean…if this were a game then like all games the initiator of the game should first assess the stats of the player on the other side of the pitch and convey the rules of the game before beginning it. But this rarely happens in reality. Usually a pro starts playing with an amateur, does everything to win her trust and then delivers some emotionally charged bouncers that might actually wound the poor amateur and no amount of emotional bandage stops the bleeding.

Bobette

Bobette — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 00:00:00 +0000

Good grief, Charlie Brown!!!

There are so many scenarios to dating, online and in person. The only thing that is constant is that we are communicating with someone we are attracted to and would like to know better. I dont see the harm in that. If i am not married then I believe I am free to do as I please. I express this to everyone involved they take it or leave it.

Dont shoot me! Its just my view.

The day that I become committed is the day I will become engaged and will start to plan a wedding and building a life together and I nor he will have time for all that online foolishness.

Furthermore, people should not be so quick to trust someone that they meet online. People can say anything to impress you. Its not until you meet them that you really learn something about them because then you have facial expressions, mannerisms, eye contact, observe habits, learn routines, detect whether there is a chemistry between you.

Sharmila Chakravorty

Sharmila Chakravorty — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 00:00:00 +0000

Sad...

Bobette

Bobette — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 00:00:00 +0000

Sooooooo , thats it, just ”sad”. What is sad and why?

Manish

Manish — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 00:00:00 +0000

Instead of dissecting this issue based on hypothetical situations, I would like to share my experience as a chatter. You can decide for yourself if chatting is indeed cheating or just a harmless game.

I have been chatting since ICQ days and had many friends. Then I started chatting with a very special person and later we got married.

My work is net based and it was not long before I once again started chatting.

It was just for fun and it never occurred to me that I was doing something wrong or cheating on my wife, but that was till I met one another lady.

This person was also happily married like me and we both were not looking for any kind of affair, just fun clean chatting and we ended up becoming very good friends.

Eventually we became such good friends that I wanted to tell my wife about her - but I could not.

For a person who is married or committed, chatting a game till the time you don’t have to tell your partner about it. When you have to tell, you will realize what you have been doing is nothing but cheating your partner.

In chats, its easy to get close and personal even with strangers as compared to real life, so in my opinion chats are too dangerous if you value your relationship with your partner.

And if you are happy with your partner, why do anything that will complicate life?

Kumar

Kumar — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 00:00:00 +0000

That was certainly a nice example.

This topic’s has become a hit. And I would not be surprised, if people still continue pouring in their experiences.

Leena

Leena — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 00:00:00 +0000

Mr. Manish’s experience does show that chatting between two unknown people is not always gaming.

Even on a general note. I’ve never understood the psyche of gamers. Any emotional exchange bears its significance and beauty only if were true. Otherwise it looses its charm and might even start appearing ugly. How can people engage in an emotional conversation (as shown in the article) knowing all the time that it is not true and fruitless? Does not engaging in an emotional conversation that is sincere more fun? And when anything genuine can be all the more fun, who has the time for some silly pastime being fully aware that it is totally meaningless?

I think this applies to not only internet chatting and even non-computer personal interactions.