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Rahul: hi sweety…
Priya: hi
Rahul: long time no see
Priya: yeah, I was undergoing exams…just got over…
Rahul: hmmmm….missed you so much……so how is life?
Priya: not bad, after the exams…what about you…and how is neha?
Rahul: she is ok…
Priya: how are her classes going on? I heard she is working somewhere now?
Rahul: hmmm…
Priya: where is she working?
Rahul: don’t remember the name exactly…somewhere in gurgaon
Priya: what? C’mon Rahul…she is your girlfriend. You should know such things about her…anyway, you guys still meet at the same place in the evenings?
Rahul: c’mon priya…stop asking about her…enough…lets talk something else…we are chatting after soooooooooooooooooo long
Priya: I know….so how have you been all this while?
Rahul: oh…desperate to chat with you…you know how much I miss you and the chats with you every night…
Priya: yeah I know…so how did you survive without chatting with me?
Rahul: don’t ask dear…had become mad…thank god you came online today, else I would have died…
Priya: oops…I saved your life…so what do I get?
Rahul: whatever you want baby
Priya: ammm….what about a movie this weekend…and a nice dinner thereafter?
Rahul: amazing plan….. I’m game for it…will call you tomorrow to fix the date and time
Priya: anytime…
Rahul: it’ll be fun…dying to meet you…it’s been so long…
Priya: very true…fine then…will wait for your call tomorrow
Rahul: I won’t let you wait for long dear…will call you first thing in the morning…
Priya: how sweet
Rahul: I know you are sweet…
Priya: okay then…I’ll go and sleep now…bye…goodnight
Rahul: no…..don’t go…plzzzzzzzzz
Priya: very sleepy…will talk later…sorry
Rahul:
Priya: c’mon Rahul…we are meeting this weekend…cheer up now
Rahul:
Priya: okay fine…….but only for 10 minutes…and then I’ll be gone to sleep…
Rahul: hurray…….you are a darling…
Priya: and you are a cute darling…
…….
……………
……
……………………
And the chat goes on and on… minute after minute… night after night…. Until Neha, the poor girlfriend, comes to know of this secret liaison one fine (oops…is it really fine?) day. And then follow those redundant explanations Rahul tries to appease (rather fool) her with. “It was nothing serious baby. Just for fun sake,” assures Rahul. Now what I don’t understand here is the context behind this ‘fun sake’. Does it mean that the ‘poor’ Rahul was bored to tears that he had to (mind it, HAD to) say those things? Or, does it entail that the ‘clever’ Rahul was merely checking if he still had that charm to magnetize a girl? Or, even more possible, does it imply that the ‘poor’ Rahul – who was probably unable to see that fire anymore in his existing relationship – desired to be called a ‘clever’ Rahul by giving himself a better option? Well, you have the liberty of adding even more possibilities to it…be my guest.
It is not just one case; the episode is repeated in many such relationships. One boy, one girl…see each other, talk, become friends, talk even more, exert a pull on one another, one proposes, other accepts…love in full swing…for how long?…one month…six months…two years…three years…. And then arrives that ‘fine’ day…a day that puts a question mark at the lovey-dovey bond!
If the ‘cheated’ (yes, we’ll later argue if such act of flirting on net is actually called cheating or not) partner gives a second chance to the ‘cheater’ (again, this will also be discussed) one, then either he/she is making the best decision or he/she is the dumbest person on this planet. Best because he/she is a soul with practical thinking and can see the genuine feeling of regret in the eyes of his/her partner; dumbest because he/she, despite knowing the flirtatious side of his/her partner, keeps blessing him/her with umpteen chances…every time, the ‘last’ one!
Now come to the most important part… should flirting on the internet via chatting, mails be called cheating?
Well, if you are already committed, then it is cheating. In that case, I strongly feel that your running relationship is not moving and ‘real’ enough to keep you loyal towards one person and thus, you go on a partner-hunt (yes, this is what I call it). And that IS cheating. If you disagree with me, then it could be because of two reasons. One, you have a better and more valid point to argue my statement; two, you yourself are one of those cheaters. Decide where you fall.
RSS 
-People lie on the net and they lie in real life too.
-They deceive real life friends with the same dedication that they show on the net.
-They come up with novel ideas to woo their charms and keep the relationship scale tilted to their favour... in both kind of relationship.
Yeah, the only thing which really makes a difference is that sometimes the flirt ends up flirting with the same sex (if the person on the other side of the wall is not known in real life)... that stings, but then again, its a pretty entertaining situation for both.
Coming to your question.. should flirting on the internet via chatting, mails be called cheating?
Flirting on the internet is definitely not cheating because both the partners share the same stats..
..both are there to get some zing
..both are unaware of each other
..both have the same advantages and disadvantages
..both ARE PREPARED for such situations!
So, flirting on the internet falls in the category of ’Gaming’ and not ’cheating’. Those who are comfortable, participate in the game; those with more brains emerge victorious and the dumbheads end up losing the game.
I feel exactly the same. It’s just that I couldn’t find words to express them. Your reply is just so appropriate and fitting.
:) :)
thanks for your comments. but i would like to remind you of one thing here - the two people chatting in my story are not new to each other...it is very clear that they know are friends already, they have chatted before and they have met in person as well. the girl (priya) even knows about rahul’s girlfriend.
keeping in mind such aspects, it IS flirting...i am not talking about two strangers chatting but those who know each other to some relevant extent and then indulge into such acts despite being into a relationship already.
In this context I have the same statement what I’ve given in my first comment.
If we scrutinize the whole issue, there seems to be practically no difference between the two modes.
-People lie on the net and they lie in real life too.
-They deceive real life friends with the same dedication that they show on the net.
-They come up with novel ideas to woo their charms and keep the relationship scale tilted to their favour... in both kind of relationship.
So, why single out chatting?
I agree that your article deals exclusively with the chatting scenario, but then too, I don’t think it would be wise enough to tag the whole chatting system as a playground for cheaters..just because of a couple of instances. After all, don’t we still value our real life relationships despite witnessing various cases of flirting and two-timing among people in real life?
As per your hypothesis, if the whole chatting system has gone down the drain, then the same is applicable to real life relationships and liaisons too...because we witness instances of cheating (like the one highlighted in your article) in both kind of relationships.
If I’m wrong, please enlighten me.
And going by the same logic “ there seems to be practically no difference between the two modes” why should online deception be passed as ‘gaming’ while you consider the other as deception?
The answer to this question is given by YOU yourself in the last sentence of your first para. Let me put it for you,
I think first it is necessary to assess the stats of the other person before engaging in such a conversation.
Got it? If someone is intelligent enough (or foolish enough) to go ahead with their online conversation and relationship without assessing the stats of the person on the other side, then I don’t think they deserve any emotional bandage on their wounds and hence, ’gaming’ suits better than ’deception’.
However, you are not compelled to use my terminology. You are free to feel ’decieved’ if at all you fall in one such situations.
I mean…if this were a game then like all games the initiator of the game should first assess the stats of the player on the other side of the pitch and convey the rules of the game before beginning it. But this rarely happens in reality. Usually a pro starts playing with an amateur, does everything to win her trust and then delivers some emotionally charged bouncers that might actually wound the poor amateur and no amount of emotional bandage stops the bleeding.
There are so many scenarios to dating, online and in person. The only thing that is constant is that we are communicating with someone we are attracted to and would like to know better. I dont see the harm in that. If i am not married then I believe I am free to do as I please. I express this to everyone involved they take it or leave it.
Dont shoot me! Its just my view.
The day that I become committed is the day I will become engaged and will start to plan a wedding and building a life together and I nor he will have time for all that online foolishness.
Furthermore, people should not be so quick to trust someone that they meet online. People can say anything to impress you. Its not until you meet them that you really learn something about them because then you have facial expressions, mannerisms, eye contact, observe habits, learn routines, detect whether there is a chemistry between you.
I have been chatting since ICQ days and had many friends. Then I started chatting with a very special person and later we got married.
My work is net based and it was not long before I once again started chatting.
It was just for fun and it never occurred to me that I was doing something wrong or cheating on my wife, but that was till I met one another lady.
This person was also happily married like me and we both were not looking for any kind of affair, just fun clean chatting and we ended up becoming very good friends.
Eventually we became such good friends that I wanted to tell my wife about her - but I could not.
For a person who is married or committed, chatting a game till the time you don’t have to tell your partner about it. When you have to tell, you will realize what you have been doing is nothing but cheating your partner.
In chats, its easy to get close and personal even with strangers as compared to real life, so in my opinion chats are too dangerous if you value your relationship with your partner.
And if you are happy with your partner, why do anything that will complicate life?
This topic’s has become a hit. And I would not be surprised, if people still continue pouring in their experiences.
Even on a general note. I’ve never understood the psyche of gamers. Any emotional exchange bears its significance and beauty only if were true. Otherwise it looses its charm and might even start appearing ugly. How can people engage in an emotional conversation (as shown in the article) knowing all the time that it is not true and fruitless? Does not engaging in an emotional conversation that is sincere more fun? And when anything genuine can be all the more fun, who has the time for some silly pastime being fully aware that it is totally meaningless?
I think this applies to not only internet chatting and even non-computer personal interactions.
If all these sounds like crap, so be it. But this is me.